


first kiss

by ojangel



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Dubious Consent, First Kiss, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, M/M, Mentioned Sonia Kaspbrak, POV Eddie Kaspbrak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:00:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24659506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ojangel/pseuds/ojangel
Summary: Eddie has his first kiss.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	first kiss

**Author's Note:**

> :(

Eddie loses his first kiss to a clown in glasses.

It had been a terrible summer, with sweltering weather and bullies that haunted each corner of the town. When the clown came along, it was just the cherry on a shit cake. All of them were forced to choose from two categories— kill, or be killed.

Pennywise took more than just their childhood innocence, though.

He never told the losers about it, as even thinking about that afternoon would make his stomach swell and his hands shake. The feelings that had slowly made a home in his heart were used and played with.

Getting chased by that leper, Eddie had never felt so scared in his life. After arriving back home, he had immediately collapsed into bed and thought up a list of all the illnesses that could make you hallucinate. (Well, first Eddie had showered. When he was older, he still remembered scrubbing soap into his knees until they were red and sore; he remembered the sharp sting that shot through him as the water was turned off.)

He'd been on the verge of sleep when there was a sudden _tap, tap_ at the window. He ignored it at first, tensing underneath the blanket, but then the taps become yells and Eddie was forced to investigate. He padded to the opposite side of the bedroom and opened his window, looking down, and spotted Richie Tozier staring up at him. One of the lenses in his glasses was cracked in the middle, and Eddie could see a bloodstain in Richie's ripped jeans.

"What are you doing here?" Eddie hissed, glancing back over his shoulder for a moment. "If my mom catches you, you'll be dead by morning!"

Richie laughed. The sound echoed across Eddie's backyard. "Why? Because I've gone to the wrong window?"

"Shut up, I hate you. Don't come up," Eddie said. He ended up backing away as Richie began to climb, anyway. "What d'you want?"

"I can't visit my little Eddie Spaghetti unless I have a reason?"

Eddie glared at him. Richie fell through the window and landed on his ass with a slam. "Be quiet! I'm serious!"

They moved to Eddie's bed. Or, Richie did, and Eddie sat as far away as possible. He'd been having strange thoughts about Richie lately, specifically about how pale and lithe he looked without a shirt. Eddie thought his feelings would be obvious if they sat too close. Eddie didn't even know what the feelings meant, except that Richie could never know of them. So, no eye-contact, touching, insulting, bickering, touching, touching, or— He shouldn't have even let him inside. Friends definitely didn't sneak into each other's bedrooms...

Richie shuffled closer, carefully, as though he'd already noticed Eddie's hesitance. "You alright, Eds?"

"Don't call me that," he mumbled, and tried not to think of Neibolt Street. Richie pokes his stomach, making Eddie duck his head and blush. "Stop. I'm just a little worried. Bill keeps acting like a maniac, I mean _everyone_ knows Georgie is dead. None of us can just say that, though, but it's so obvious! So why should we have to walk through fucking greywater and— and risk disease just to go look in the gross as shit sewers."

"You're such a princess," teased Richie, moving even closer. Eddie bit his lip. "Billy is just in denial. It's normal. And, you know what? If you're really that grossed out, next time he suggests something weird, we'll go off and hang out together instead."

"Just us?"

"Yeah." He smiled. "Spaghetti and Trashmouth go on adventures all over Derry. _Just us_."

"Thank you," said Eddie, quiet. He turned his head slightly, but Richie was a lot closer than he expected. Their noses bumped, and Eddie startled back. "Oh, God. Sorry. I didn't realise. Um, Richie?"

He was staring at Eddie's lips.

"Er, it's okay, Eds. And you don't need to thank me, we're best friends..."

Eddie really, really needed his inhaler. But it was on his desk, so he'd need to go further from Richie to grab it. Eddie doesn't want to go further from Richie. In fact, he wanted to be even closer. He wanted to touch him; praise him. Kiss him.

Almost unconsciously, Eddie edged his face forward. Richie blinked down at him, neither rejecting the new proximity or encouraging it. Eddie took a breath, warm all over, and goes for it. He kisses him.

It lasts less than a second, as Richie pulls away so suddenly it almost makes them both fall off the bed. His eyes, large behind his glasses, shine with disgust. "What the fuck? That's gross. I said we were friends, not fags."

"Wh- what?"

"You're so dumb, Eddie-bear," mocked Richie, growing taller and taller. His skin started to split and stretch in ways that made Eddie want to vomit. "You're so sick!"

Eddie shook his head, tears biting at the corners of his eyes. Richie— though it's not him. Not really— laughed, seemingly manic. "We all know you're sick, Eds! So, so, so sick!" the thing screamed, almost like a song. "It's no secret, we can all see! I have looked into your soul, girly-boy, and it is _mine_!"

"You're not real! I'm hallucinating you!" Eddie said, but he didn't believe it himself. Something deep and feral chanted along with the clown. And, yes, he realised. That's what it was. A clown. "Not real, not real, not real, not—"

The clown roared. Richie's clothes changed to orange silk and fuzzy pom-poms. The glasses fall off its nose. Eddie shoves his face into his hands, rocking back and forth. "Leave me ALONE!"

Silence.

It's suffocating.

Eddie opened his eyes. The room was empty again, except for the open window that carried in a soft, summer breeze. He could've pretended it was a dream, for it surely passed as one, but Eddie's lips still tingle where they had touched another's.

He brought a fingertip to his mouth. His first kiss.

Eddie cries for a long time that night.

(When the other losers tell their stories a few days later, so would Eddie. But not this one; never this one.)


End file.
